Jonnie Marbles – it isn’t his real name – is in prison. The comedian, activist and blogger tossed a foam pie* in Rupert Murdoch’s face and was sentenced to six weeks, later reduced to four, in prison. I disapproved of the pie-attack Marbles carried out on Murdoch – it lacked any real commitment, since he waited until everyone hated Murdoch before carrying it out, and smacked of a publicity stunt, seeing as he waited until all the cameras were on him. Still, six weeks (or four) in prison for smacking a half-hearted pie in the face of a man who can pay people to rub the memory away with hunks of kobe beef and a moisturizer made from panda drool seems excessive.

However, Marbles is apparently making the most of prison experience by blogging from prison about the horrors of his experience.

Luckily, it turns out that due to the food related nature of his crime he hasn’t been sentenced to time, but rather to Porridge. In sit-com jail he is a folk-hero and life is one long set-up for a joke about society’s expectations of life in prison.

‘We break for rec. time and showers. I slip over and hurt my arse. Write your own joke for this, you lazy pricks.’

His cell-mate is a tough old lag with years of experience in the joint, experience he is willing to share with his new cellie after a brief, American teen dramedy bit of tension. Marbles dubs him ‘Splinter‘, but I think he should have gone with Norman Stanley Fletcher.

Although I suppose that would take longer to write out and spoil his naming theme of children’s cartoons. (Personally, I am holding out for Mumm-ra the Magnificent and Nadia Popov.)

Look, give the man his due. If I was banged up in prison for four days, I would respond by making a continuous whining noise and peeing a moat around myself until someone came to take me to nice, padded room. I am so middle-class that the fact my allergies mean I can’t eat cous-cous is a continuing source of annoyance to me. I am so neurotic that I have difficulty going to the loo if I think someone might be listening. I haven’t sat down on a strange toilet since I was 5. Bugs give me the squeaking, flailing fits.

Not only would I not do well in prison, I wouldn’t do well on a campsite.

So, Marbles is doing better than I would. Possibly his posts reflect his desperate attempt to keep his chin up while he does his bird. But I wouldn’t put bets against him hoping to come out of this with a book to pitch or even a wacky reality show to host. Oh hey, maybe he could take over from Shaun Williamson in the theatre production of Porridge?

*I feel strongly that a shaving foam pie is a half-hearted and half-assed (a la) mode of public protest. The traditional Custard Pie, with its slightly firm crust and drippy interior, is far superior.